Chuck vs The Irritated Guardian
by Fire From Above
Summary: Ever since Casey started protecting Chuck, he has had to deal with situations that he wishes to never have encountered in the first place. And now Chuck finds himself with an unexpected suitor. What's Casey going to do?


_A/N: I don't own Chuck or the people in his universe. That is probably owned by NBC. This is my first fanfic, so constructive criticism would be nice._

"You know Chuck, I really did mean it when I said you were a very special agent."

"Gah!" Chuck twirled around with a hand to his heart. He grabbed the countertop with his other hand to steady himself while he took quick breaths to get over his shock. "Seriously, what is it with spies sneaking up on me all the time? I'm going to get a heart attack sooner or later, probably sooner with my luck."

"I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you. I just came here to talk," Cole said with an apologetic smile and upheld hands. "I just need to tell you something before I leave."

"Um, sure. I kind of thought you left already. Don't you have a plane to catch to Tahiti or something? Hey, do you want something to drink before you go?" Chuck walked across the kitchen to the fridge and started fumbling around for a soda.

"No thank you. I kind of want to do something else, but I've never really done this before," he said with an odd tone in his voice.

Chuck looked at Cole while he spoke and noticed that he seemed kind of nervous. He was fidgeting with his hands and did not seem sure on where to look. _Cole, nervous? What does a super-spy extraordinaire have to be nervous about?_ As Chuck thought about that, he noticed that Cole seemed to make up his mind about something and stood up straight and resolute. The British spy walked across the kitchen and put his hands on Chuck's shoulders.

"Listen, I think you're an amazing person. You're intelligent, determined, creative, and very handsome to boot." Chuck noticed that Cole's thumbs started tracing circles on his shoulders. That action with the last compliment served to make Chuck feel a slight unease about where Cole was trying to get at. "You have the makings of a spy far different from the usual fare."

At this, Cole seemed to get frustrated with trying to find the right words to say. After a couple of moments groping for the words to convey what he was feeling, he finally said, "You know what? I'm better at action with words, so-" And at this point, Cole pulled Chuck flush against him and gave him a passionate kiss. Chuck could actually feel his shock shorting out the Intersect. However, the computer quickly kicked back on which spurred Chuck into emergency action.

"Aauugh! Whoa! Hold on! Gah! Help! Casey! Casey, help me!" Chuck broke out of Cole's grip and ran flailing out the door. He made record time to Casey's door and started pounding. "Open up! Help! Casey!"

The door quickly opened and Casey jumped out with a gun in his hand, looking around for whoever had threatened Chuck's safety. "What happened? What's going on?" While Casey was assessing the threat situation, Chuck had run into his apartment and jumped behind the couch. Meanwhile, Cole had run out of Chuck's place to come face to face with a slightly confused handler.

"Wait, Chuck! Hold on, maybe I was a little too forward-"

"A little? Try a lot!"

"What's going on?" Casey growled.

"I'm really sorry Chuck. I didn't think you would react that way. I mean, I kind of got the impression that you, well, thought very highly of me."

"I do think highly of you, just not in that way."

"Hold on. Can someone tell me what is going on?"

"Don't you always have my place bugged Casey?"

"I was in the bathroom. I can't listen to your inane prattling every second of the day."

"I'm sorry Chuck. I thought you would be open-"

"I am open to that lifestyle. Or to be more exact, I don't have anything against it. It's just that I myself am not a member of that unique, but totally okay orientation to relationships."

Casey's eye twitched at what he heard and he had realization over what may have happened. "Are you telling me…I've served my country with honor in two wars-"

"Chuck, can we just talk-"

"I totally applaud who you are and I am totally fine with your preferences or nature or whatever way you prefer people to think about it-"

"- I have taken down the most dangerous cartel leaders in Eastern Europe-"

"-I promise not to try anything like that again-"

"-and I still have the utmost respect for you-"

"-have taken down men twice my size and with twice the arsenal-"

"-I mean, I'm usually not like that. I am so much more debonair-"

"-but I am not into that."

"- successfully completed missions with zero chance of success-"

"-and I have won awards for my ability to verbally charm the knickers off-the coldest and most feminazi women-"

"-I mean, as I've probably said before-"

"- have years of battle hardened experience and training-"

"- that it shouldn't have turned out like this-"

"I am really open to alternative lifestyles-"

"- and yet here I am-"

"I mean, I've been mildly attracted to men before-"

"-especially when they are lived by extremely dangerous and competent spies-"

"- in Burbank-working at a Buymore-"

"- but you are the first one-"

"-but I am completely and thoroughly straight."

"- protecting the most idiotic moron that ever moroned-"

"- that I have ever truly wanted-"

"So even though I am flattered by the attention-"

"-from every possible threat in the world, including himself-"

"- to shag in the most improprietous ways imaginable."

"-you really are not my type of person."

"And on top of that I have the additional indignity-"

"Really, technically speaking, seducing a man-"

"I doubt I am your type of person-"

"- of protecting his BACK CHERRY-"

"- shouldn't be that much different from seducing a woman-"

"-especially since I don't swing that way."

"I just don't have the added benefit of amazing cleavage."

"-FROM SOME FRUITCAKE SUITOR!"

Everyone was jolted out of their one-sided conversations to level startled looks at an extremely irritated Casey. He was red and breathing hard from intense exposure to Chuck-related problems. "This is beyond my pay grade," Casey seethed. He marched over to Chuck, pulled him out from the other side of his couch, and threw him out of the apartment.

Chuck looked at Cole to see a nervous and expectant look on his face. "You know what Cole?"

"Yes Chuck?"

"I'm going to call Sarah for help."

"For a threesome? That sounds like a promising time."

Shudder. "No. For backup and support. Besides, didn't your plane leave an hour ago?"


End file.
